Abusiveness, in all of its forms, is just as serious and prevalent a problem in teen dating relationships as it is in adult domestic violence. Research shows that physical or sexual abuse is a part of 1 in 3 high school relationships. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans teens are also just as much at risk for abuse in their relationships as anyone else.

A violent dating relationship can be very confusing and painful for a teenager. Feelings of love are mixed with bad feelings from the abuse. This can make it hard for you to figure out if you are in an abusive relationship or not. Below are some things that can help you decide if your dating relationship is abusive:

Are you going out with someone who:

• is violent toward you, throws things or destroys property when mad, or has a history of getting into fights or losing his temper easily?
• tries to control what you do, bosses you around , or makes all the decisions? Tries to isolate you from your friends and even your family?
• threatens to harm you, your friends, your pet, etc.?
• pressures you for sex or is scary about sex? Or gets too serious about the relationship too fast?
• is jealous or possessive?
• makes fun of you, puts you down in front of your friends, or embarrasses you in front of other people?
• abuses alcohol and/or drugs and tries to get you to do the same?
• has a history of failed relationships and often blames other people or things for his problems?
• has sudden and extreme mood changes like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde?
• makes your family and friends uneasy or scared about your relationship with them?

Unfortunately, abuse in dating relationships tends to get worse over time. It can actually get harder for you to get out of the relationship as the abuse increases. Things like low self-esteem, guilt, and fear can it more difficult for you to leave an abusive relationship.

Here's some things you can do if you want out of an abusive dating relationship:

• Know that you are not alone. Teens from across the country and from every background are or have been involved in an abusive dating relationship.
• Realize that you do not deserve to be abused and that you have done nothing wrong. The abuse is not your fault.
• Have a plan for how to get away when he becomes abusive. Rehearse your plan often.
• Keep an on-going log of the abuse for future evidence.
• Tell someone you trust - your parents, a friend, a teacher or counselor or coach, a doctor, a religious leader like a church pastor, rabbi, or youth group leader, or seek help from your local family violence shelter or rape crisis center.
• Realize that being drunk, stressed out, having a bad day, etc, isn't any excuse for anyone to be abusive toward you.
• Have someone else with you as much as possible and always tell your family or friends where you will be and for how long. Avoid meeting the abuser when you are alone.

Some additional online resources for teens:

When Love Hurts:  A guide on love, repect, and abuse in relationships
Love Doesn't Have To Hurt
Teen Dating Violence Happens ...
Trust Betrayed
Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN)