Domestic violence can affect children in many ways. Some children may never see the violence, but they may feel the tension, hear the fighting, and see the injuries left behind. Children may be asked to call the police or to keep a family secret. They even may be physically injured themselves if they try to intervene to stop the violence or may suffer abuse that is intentionally directed at them. Regardless of whether a child is physically abused, the emotional effects of witnessing domestic violence are very similar to the psychological trauma of being a victim of direct child abuse. No matter the details of a family's situation, the estimated minimum of 3.3 million children who witness domestic violence each year bear the burden of domestic violence, too.

General Information:

• A major study of more than 900 children at battered women's shelters found that nearly 70% of the children were themselves victims of physical abuse or neglect. Nearly half of the children had been physically or sexually abused. In another national survey of more than 6,000 American families, 50 percent of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by the mother when the batterer strikes out. Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.
• A study conducted in the mid-1980's found that mothers were 8 times more likely to hurt their children if they were being battered than if they were not.
• Approximately 90% of children are aware of the violence directed at their mother whether or not they actually see it when it happens.
• Children are present in 41-55% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence calls.
• The vast majority of abused women who use shelter services bring their children. In one study, 72% of the women brought children to the shelter; 21% were accompanied by three or more children.
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delays, stress-related physical problems (such as headaches, ulcers, and rashes), sleep problems and nightmares, or hearing and speech problems.
• Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse and juvenile delinquency.
• Many children in homes where domestic violence occurs have difficulties in school, including problems with concentration, poor academic performance, difficulty with peer interactions, and more absences from school.
• Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. There is no evidence, however, that girls who witness their mothers' abuse have a higher risk of being battered as adults.

Children react in many different ways to violence in their homes. Individual children may respond differently, even within the same family, due to age, personality, or other factors. Some children may become violent themselves, while others may withdraw and isolate themselves. Some may "act out" at home or at school, while others constantly try to act like the perfect child. And some children may not show any noticeable effects or reactions.

Some common effects and reactions are:

  Toddler to pre-school age children:

• Aggressive behaviors such as hitting, biting, kicking, screaming - often directed toward a sibling, a parent, or a pet.
• Destroying toys, or other objects.
• Nightmares, excessive fears, or excessive fearlessness.
• Engaging in dangerous or risky behavior often.
• Difficulty with potty training or wetting/soiling self if already potty trained.
• Temper tantrums.
• Hoarding food, toys, etc., due to anxiety, abandonment, and/or neglect. The child may feel that this is the only means of meeting his/her needs for safety, security, and nurturing.
• Shyness, marked quietness, or late development of speech.
• Clinginess, particularly toward parents or siblings.
• Withdrawal and/or depression.

  Elementary school age children and pre-teens:

• At school:  bullying, getting into fights, disrespecting teachers and other authority figures, poor grades, difficulty concentrating.
• Shoplifting, vandalizing, destroying property or objects, running away.
• Swearing, verbally abusing or threatening others.
• Hitting, biting, kicking, and other agressive behaviors (often toward siblings, parents, or pets).
• Pushing safety limits with themselves or others, taking risks excessively.
• Depression, suicidal thoughts or attempts.
• Withdrawal, being a loner, deliberately not drawing attention to him/herself (trying to be "invisible"), retreating into a fantasy world, being overly independent and acting "grown up".
• Striving to be a perfect child, being very sensitive to criticism or correction, being obsessed about good grades, being perfectionistic.
• Running away and other delinquent behavior
• Self-mutilating behavior such as picking at skin, cutting on self, pulling out hair, etc.

  Teenagers:

• Using drugs or alcohol, engaging in sex during early adolescence or being involved in risky sexual behavior or promiscuity.
• Using violence or sexual assualt against dating partners.
• Getting violent toward the abuser in the home. It is not uncommon for a teenager, particularly a boy, to strike out at the adult abuser, usually the father, when he/she gets of a physical size to do so in order to try to stop the abuse toward the other parent.
• Running away from home in order to escape an abusive home life.
• Getting involved in a gang, vandalism and destoying property/objects, truancy from school, etc.
• Depression, suicidal thoughts/actions, self-mutilation, eating disorders.
• Experiencing feelings of shame and powerlessness about the abuse going on in the home.
• Having difficulty controlling their own emotions, such as rage, not being able to trust others, and/or not being able to form stable relationships or being a loner.
• Taking a nurturing role with one or both parents and/or taking a parental role with younger siblings.
• Taking measures to keep the abuse a secret by avoiding, withdrawing from, or lying to friends, neighbors, and extended family members.